Another point of view

Aditi Mathur and Ratnesh Mathur

In ‘Quiz time for teachers’, which appeared in the March 2015 issue of Teacher Plus, we gave the readers a different sort of quiz and we hope that you took time to choose your responses with thought and care. In this issue, as promised, we give our perspectives on each situation/question that we had given in the quiz. We would like to tell the readers that what we give below are not the best ways to see each situation. This only indicates that we can see the world through different and often new maps!

You get to know that a child has just lied to you, is hiding something, and not telling you the right thing.
Most of us believe that lying is bad and hence chide the child whenever he/she lies. We’re also scared that this will become a ‘habit’. But we need to realize that a child learns to lie because of some fear, some anxiety, which we have planted in the child’s mind. Instead if we spend time in understanding the child’s real need and together work on that there will be no need to lie. We cannot stop anybody (including ourselves) from lying, we can only create an environment where there is no need to do so.

A child complains that he is being bullied in school by other children.
We believe that each child is capable of handling all situations that he/she faces in life. And even if the child is not capable, isn’t this the opportunity to develop that capability? And the child will be able to develop this only when we first believe in him/her and let the child think and try out.

You want children in your class to grow into confident and assertive individuals.
As far as we are concerned, all children are already confident and assertive. It is just that the way they use their confidence and assertiveness may not match with our definitions of the terms. Even amongst us adults, aren’t we all assertive and confident differently? The idea, therefore, is to offer an environment in our classrooms that allows everyone – the adults and the children – to share thoughts and views so that we can all learn from each other. That’s why we are all together in a classroom (else children could have learned by themselves) – isn’t it?

An official visitor to your school pulls chubby child’s cheeks/hugs the child. You notice that the child is clearly uncomfortable with this physical contact.
Today’s touch is tomorrow’s abuse! What is good touch and what is bad touch will depend on how the child feels about it. Since the parents or guardians cannot always be with the child, the best person to take care of the child – physically, emotionally, and sexually – is the child himself/herself. Can we hence work on empowering the child to think about ways to take care of himself/herself? We can prepare the child for all kinds of eventualities.

Some children find it difficult to do homework or have no interest in doing it. When questioned they express, “I am not good at writing/math, etc.”
This situation highlights how we typically operate under the belief that the child is not capable. Not capable to understand the importance of something, not able to learn or do something by himself/herself and so on. While we intuitively know that all of us are different, have different interests and strengths, we fail to recognize this because of the external measures of success we use to assess the children. But when we look at this from the internal motivation window then we are with the child, not with the task.

A child is very angry/upset with a friend of hers and she is not talking to anybody and instead is fighting with her friend.
We normally tend to see a child’s emotions and social behaviour through our lens of right and wrong. But two things are perhaps more important. One – the child’s need to be understood (isn’t this a universal need?). Two, every such situation is an important step in the child learning about emotions, about relationships, and about self – something which no educational curriculum covers, and hence our sensitivity and understanding is so very important.

One child is very good at painting and likes to spend a lot of time at it.
Just as much we jump at a child’s weaknesses, we are all too crazy about the child’s strengths. Either way we overreact – simply because we think that child needs our reaction. But wait, in most cases we have seen that child needs somebody who is just WITH the child – not somebody who constantly does something FOR the child. This way the child grows more organically, more naturally.

You want to teach the children in your class the right values. You are also not sure what they are learning from their peers or from the media.
Do we have to preach values? Can we teach values? In many cases we only profess one thing and then do something else. Also realize that the child’s values change as he/she grows because the child continuously learns from different experiences and exposures. So instead of controlling the learning, can we work on the ability to learn and discern?

What do you think is your role/objective as a teacher?
When we ask this question to most teachers – the common answer is, “Our role is to teach.” The moot point is what will make the child learn the most – not in terms of quantity but in quality? Isn’t today a good time to question our own job, and maybe redefine our responsibilities and then see how many of our actions and interactions align with that vision? And is that the vision the child needs and wants and which will give him/her the life he/she deserves?

The authors run an open unschool called Aarohi and invite all readers to visit and see how open learning can be an amazing way to work with children. They also conduct training retreats and online training for teachers and parents. Visit www.aarohilife.org.