Listening to the other
Thejaswi Shivanand
Selvi is a nine-year-old attending a middle school in a town in south India. She has been the target of attention from some of her classmates ever since she joined this school late last year, and this attention has resulted in her being bullied and excluded from her peer group. Selvi is unhappy and has been encouraged by her mother to stand up to her classmates. But she is scared and feels unsupported in the class to confront them. Her parents are busy and have not spoken to the teachers about her situation.
Tathagatha is a young teacher in a government school in rural central India. He notices his colleague in the neighbouring classroom physically beating children with a cane. He wishes to speak to the headmaster but does not want to lose the friendship of his colleague.
John is a high school teenager in north-eastern India. He has been having a difficult time at home with his parents facing a serious conflict in their marriage. His work at school has suffered over the past few months as a result. He faces questions from the teachers and home over his dropping grades. He feels ashamed to confide in his friends or teachers about his home situation.
Ayesha is an experienced teacher who recently joined an international school in Delhi. She has been asked to formulate daily lesson plans for her class 10 mathematics class despite having taught the class for over 15 years and having very favourable recommendations of her teaching skills from her previous school. She feels that this additional burden is not justified and wishes to speak to the high school unit head, but is afraid of souring her relationship with the head of the mathematics department in her school.
These are just four examples, from different contexts, of situations that are common in our schools. Children facing bullying at school and difficult home situations, teachers having difficulties with colleagues – haven’t we all faced such examples personally, or heard of them otherwise, in our work or home contexts? How are these situations dealt with typically? For instance, Selvi will probably be told to buck up, her bullies may or may not be punished, punishment may lead to resentment against Selvi and further instances of bullying, which may result in her being pulled out of that school and transferred to another. What if the pattern repeats in the new school? If Tathagatha complains, he may be told to restrict himself to his work and the headmaster may or may not take action. What should he do?
We can think of procedural and institutional responses in both these cases, in fact in all these cases. The responses could range from setting strict rules and action against bullying in the first case, firm guidelines for reporting and acting on physical punishment, but in John’s and Ayesha’s cases, which are more nuanced, are procedural responses sufficient? Will the threat of punishment and institutional intervention solve the problems of bullying or punishment? Will refresher courses for teachers on the impact of corporal punishment be sufficient to stop punishment?
Let us consider what happened to Selvi when she joined another school and the pattern of bullying repeated in her new school. The class teacher, having noticed the bullying on a particular morning, decides to try something different in class. That afternoon, instead of the math lesson she had planned, she gathers the children around in a circle and casually asks them about their day in school. Most children have something to say about a lesson, or games they played at the lunch break. Selvi was quiet. The teacher asks her if she didn’t like the morning lessons, and Selvi does not reply. When the teacher presses on and asks her about games, Selvi bursts into tears at the memory of the lunch break when she was bullied. The teacher disbands the circle, gives the children problems to work on, calls Selvi aside, consoles her and decides to resume the ‘circle time’ activity the next day. The next day, she tries to help the children place themselves in a position of one being bullied, without necessarily drawing attention to Selvi herself at first, and then draws them into a discussion on the consequences of bullying. The children have many questions, trade strong opinions on likes and dislikes of each other, and are on the verge of descending into chaos, when the teacher manages to draw their attention and guide them back into the discussion on the feelings of anyone in the position of being bullied. Selvi suddenly decides to speak up and share her experience and feelings. The classroom quietens and many children become reflective. Over the next few weeks there is a big drop in the instances of bullying against Selvi. She is slowly regaining confidence. The teacher is not sure if the bullying has stopped for good, but she is ready to have further discussions whenever necessary.
Now consider this approach, which involves having everyone on board at the same place and time, and creating an atmosphere of sharing thoughts and emotions around a given situation. It is different from an institutional approach, which is blind to individuals, or a punitive approach that is isolating and psychologically destructive in the long term. The consequence of attempting a dialogue with everyone involved in this particular situation resulted in behavioural change. Is this change permanent, something that a punitive approach would insist that it can be, if punishment is delivered at the right time? The question is, really, is it possible to allow all of us to listen to each other, to be open to others’ questions and doubts, vulnerabilities and emotions, sometimes powerful, and can this, in turn, bring about a powerful and perhaps permanent shift in our attitudes to each other, in our relationship? Is it possible to create such spaces in school, for children and for adults, fora where we can share our thoughts and emotions without the fear of reprisal? Is it possible for us to find a new manner of communication to allow for better listening and sharing? I am not advocating for a new language here, just a sensitivity of a person’s emotional state of mind in a group such as these. Each person is given a turn to share his/her opinion or feelings around a given situation, and a general discussion can be initiated. Reflective questions can be asked of each other. Where it is the teacher anchoring a dialogue with children of Selvi’s age, they can pose the questions, creating space for self-reflection of their acts of bullying. The teacher should take care in addressing the consequences of exclusion and inclusion.
Such spaces of dialogue have greater potential to resolve conflicts and shift attitudes than memos from the school principal or punishment from the teachers. In case the bullying continues, one can have further dialogues in other spaces so created as such, to include parents and other teachers as well. This doesn’t mean there has to be an endless progression of meetings. In case any particular child is recognized, after a few meetings, to have serious emotional challenges (this can be either/or the bully or the bullied), those may need to be dealt with appropriately on a one-on-one basis, perhaps with a professional counsellor.
Teachers should be interested in creating and anchoring such spaces, only then will they be effective in schools. This requires a tectonic shift in our understanding of childhood, the purpose of education in an individual’s life, its context in society, and this should then inform our approach of holding dialogues. I fear that if we start spaces without comprehending or discussing these as adults, then they will cease to be effective beyond one or two particular situations. This is because we as teachers haven’t clarified for ourselves our approach to education, the classroom, the child. Degrees in education provide theories of education for study but it is only on the job that you can query the philosophy – the role of punishment, the role of affection – when you meet the child in particular circumstances and are in a position to act. Only when we clarify our ideas of education, will it be possible to create dialogue spaces for children.
Teachers, such as Ayesha and Tathagatha should be part of discussions where they can raise their questions with the teacher body, or the culture of the school should be such that the adults should willingly participate in a dialogue with just the two individuals concerned. If the discussion is of a more serious nature, institutional committees can address issues of harassment and violence. But the content of everyday life is more likely to be of disagreements and suppressed emotions, in both adults and children. Some of these can have long-term consequences for job satisfaction and emotional health as teachers and for children’s experience of their school life and beyond. Can dialogue with care and affection create such a possibility for John? Can it bring some change in his life like it has in Selvi’s? Have we as a society seriously considered creating more spaces to talk to each other and make space for each other effectively? For isn’t education largely about attempting to live sanely in an insane world?
The author is a part of Centre for Learning, an alternative school located near Bangalore. He teaches biology, statistics and chemistry to senior students and is closely involved in the school’s nature education and library programmes. He can be reached at dumaketu@gmail.com.
