Life paths and life lessons
Fiona Vaz
Teacher’s day is always a good day for me to reflect on my years as a teacher. It has been 12 years since I first stepped into a classroom to teach children and even though I have continued to work as an educator in diverse settings and moved several cities, some of my students continue to stay in touch with me. Through these years, I have begun to see how much we all have changed and I often wonder if I knew what I know today, would I have taught the way I did? My recent gender studies degree has made me adopt a gender outlook to my teaching practice and I often look at the past with a gender lens – what kind of men and women did I help develop?
For starters, I have begun to observe 3 January, the birthday of Savitri Bai Phule, as Teacher’s Day. When my students wish me on 5 September, I tell them about Phule’s role in pioneering education for girls in India because of whom, all girls in India, including me, had the opportunity to be educated. Teacher’s Day is also a time to catch up with my students and hear them out. These text messages from students, and occasional meetings with them, are eye opening for me. My students, whom I taught as 8 year olds ten years ago, are 18 today – young adults with thoughts and voices of their own. With the barriers to natural conversations gone, given we are no longer bound in formal teacher-student relationships, I see them speaking to me, disagreeing with me, and at times pouring out their affection and gratitude to me. I cherish all of these exchanges.
A few weeks ago, I received an unexpected message from a student on my phone. The student, Ronit*, was one of the brightest in my class. At 8, he was an avid reader, helpful to his peers and incredibly witty. I still chuckle thinking of the jokes he used to crack all those years ago. Ronit’s message surprised me because none of the ‘smarter’ more ‘successful’ children have so far contacted me. The ones who have continued to stay in touch with me through the decade are those who need help or some guidance during bleak times. I wonder if this pattern of who stays in touch with whom has got anything to do with gender roles – on what constitutes success, who you identify with and therefore choose to be mentored by. Research and data definitely shows that we coach only those who we identify with and therefore male leaders coach more men with women being left without ‘powerful’, often male, mentors. I had come to accept that I had a limited role to play in the lives of these young boys. All of them, science and technology aspirants, which are considered more masculine subjects, could have been guided better by the male teachers in schools, who were all graduates of the hard sciences. I played an active role, however, in the lives of girls or those boys who were still looking to find their path or needed a validation of their worth. Ronit, as expected, is currently enrolled in an engineering college in Bombay. He sounded confident and self-assured and updated me on what his other peers are up to. Since his boyhood days, I knew he would pursue science and his choice of engineering did not surprise me at all. Ronit informed me that his sister had got married and given that she was only a few years older than him, my fears were confirmed, I had done little to instil in my students an intention to catalyse change in the lives of their immediate family members. Could he have played a role in delaying his sister’s marriage? I also wonder if Ronit will use his technology education to better society, and I wonder if he will go out of the way to make space for his women colleagues to succeed in STEM careers. Only time will tell.
The other two students, among many, who have been in touch with me, are Anita* and Thiru*. Both these students have never let a single month pass, without checking on me. Strangely, I receive messages from Anita at exactly those times, when I am feeling a bit low. In 10 years, both of them have never missed wishing me on my birthday. These two young people are, ‘failures’ if you go by society’s conventional definition of success. Anita, one of the most articulate, most emotionally perceptive and a natural leader, just got married four months ago. Being older than the rest of the students in our class, she is currently 21. As her teacher, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of disappointment and fear. No matter how much she assured me that her husband would support her in continuing her education, I couldn’t stop thinking about how difficult it is for married women to do as they wish. Women in all strata of society including those who have financial and family support face these difficulties. I know Anita has little support in both areas. Thiru, on the other hand, now 21 too, could never complete even his 10th grade. He dropped out and pursued open schooling, simultaneously taking up jobs with e-commerce delivery companies. He also got married last year to a young woman who had just turned 18. In my despondency, I questioned where the line was where my influence ended as a teacher and his family’s and culture’s influence began. I texted Thiru asking if he would support his wife to continue her education, perhaps like how Jotirao Phule supported Savitri bai, but I did not receive a response to that message.
When I think of my students, there are others I think of too. Khushnuma, for example, who reached out to me last year, in the midst of the pandemic asking me if I could arrange funds for her second year of commerce studies. I also think of Priti who wants to become a doctor, flunked her first medical entrance exam and continued to appear for them while I goaded her to consider nursing instead. My anxiety of her altogether dropping out of medical studies disillusioned, makes me want her to aim a little lower. A great nurse is better than a doctor who never became one. I also think of my student Shubh*, who was addicted to sniffing glue and was taken out of school in 8th grade, who recently contacted me on facebook, asking me if I could call him. He sounded frantic.
In this way, every Teacher’s Day, I start reflecting, asking questions and never really finding answers. I think of all the things I could have done to intentionally influence where the students are today. I think of all the things, I have done, and take a slight pride in the contribution I probably have made – never certain of where my influence might have been. Maybe, my students, like me, are yet to catalyse social change or maybe they won’t. Guided by my deepest belief that education and finding one’s path is a life-long journey, I am filled with hope on what’s to come.
*Names of all students have been changed.
The author is an educator and researcher, examining the relationship between schooling and gender. She can be reached at
fiona@integral-asia.org.