Our friends, our pillars

Nidhi Qazi

Poonam met Sonia* back in 2015 when she had started her teaching journey in a primary school in Delhi. Both of them were from different schools but were part of a workshop on assessment development for NAS (National Achievement Survey). Sonia was a senior and Poonam a newbie but they hit it off well from word go. The five-day workshop ended. But something continued. They started sharing articles, books and personal challenges on the work front. Poonam was fresh with her pre-service training ideas but grappled with classroom challenges, one after another. She found a mentor in Sonia whose immense experience and insights gave her respite and helped her. Today, they both work in the same school and are thankful for each other’s presence. They try and create spaces for fellow teachers to talk about issues related to pedagogy, classroom management and so on but when their ideas are resisted, they go back to each other, happy in each other’s company and giggle away their sorrows, laments and challenges.

Dear readers, welcome to the world of friendships. This piece is an effort to focus on the ever-so-powerful, yet so taken-for-granted phenomenon of friendships. In all your years as a teacher, you would have had at least one or two such fellow teachers who shaped you. Can we take a moment to remember them and say thank you? Don’t we all have these shared experiences of having friends who nurtured us through our journey of teaching? Presenting some here.

Power of friendships
The power of friendship and camaraderie can be seen in many other walks of life, such as the military. For example, the fundamental qualities of friendship, such as trust and fidelity, are necessary for their functioning and quite literally individual and collective survival. Can these qualities of friendship exert a similar influence on the functioning and success of a school? The answer would have to be a roaring YES!

Who doesn’t want engagement with fellow humans who care for each other, are social, provide practical support, emotional support, and validation!

Talking about friendships among teachers, the manner in which these influence teacher retentions, student performance, and the influence they have on the quality of the school’s learning environment has not been studied in great depth. A number of studies look at the teacher-principal relationship and parent-teacher relationship to determine how quickly a teacher will “burnout” or how successful the partnerships of a school may be in educating students, but neglect the interaction of teachers among themselves.

But delving into the lives of many teachers, it gets quite evident the role they or their friends play in the professional journey.

Anil Suman, a middle school teacher from Gaya, Bihar shares, “My friendships started with sharing of personal lives, and that formed a bond. We then became involved in each other’s teaching practices. From sharing classroom videos, to observing each other’s classroom, we found immense support in each other.”

“In my initial days of being a teacher, a fellow teacher, Sunil ji became my ideal. Coming from faraway, he would cross the river to reach our school and would always carry an extra pair of clothes. His transfer was an emotional moment for me and the students and that was my first time to see how teachers leave a mark on students. That stayed with me,” says Pushpa Pandey, a primary school teacher from Bhilai, Chhattisgarh.

Fire fighting Reliable Inspiring Empathetic Nurturing Dependable

For Pushpa Shukla, a primary school teacher from a town bordering Chhattisgarh and Odisha, the language barrier and unfamiliarity with the region initially left her distraught. “It is only through the immense support of my colleagues that I was able to find ground and become better at my work. Their help in classroom observations, teaching me local words and some bits about the culture, were so important for me. Such is our friendship now that we take care of each other, fill in for each other in case of emergencies, and design lesson plans together. Whenever I go for a workshop, they wait for me to share the learnings.”

A teacher whose sensitivity towards children stayed with Ali, a primary school teacher from Rajasthan, was Richa. He shares, “In my initial days with grade1 children, I had my own challenges. I would see Richa being energetic and full of preparation. She would also carry an extra pouch of stationery. I asked her the reason for the same and she said, “Small children always fight for stationery and forget to keep it back. To make sure their time is not wasted in fighting, I offer them this stationery.” What stayed with Ali was that a teacher spent every month from her pocket to ensure children’s learning is not impeded. He too followed suit since he faced the issue of children stealing stationery. “It maybe a small example, but it went a long way in making me sensitive towards children’s behaviour and needs.”

All is not well though!
The ’tuning’ between teachers has a direct impact on school’s culture says Dileep Tiwari, a school teacher and now a State Resource Group (SRG) from Uttar Pradesh. “In our country, where social issues like caste, religion, etc., are so prevalent, our teacher community can’t be left untouched by all these, can it? If there are common interests among the staff of a school, say a game or a subject, then it really helps build the camaraderie. But if not, then staff members feel left out and too individualistic. The bias of a headmaster towards and against teachers hailing from a particular region, community or caste affects these staffroom friendships and academic engagements to a large extent.”

For many teachers, who look at their job just as a job, there are points of conflict wherein they do not want to engage with all fellow teachers. As a result, their limited friendships, with one or two teachers only remain personal and do not add much value to the school culture and students, says Dileep.

Dr. Sharda, retired principal of DIET in Delhi, says that while friendships are easy to develop, their strengthening and sustenance is what must follow. “School friendships cannot just benefit teachers personally; they need to grow with each other professionally.”

Some teachers also consider the role of headteachers/headmasters, key in ushering a culture of friendships among staff members. “Heads of a school must initiate informal spaces and formal platforms for teachers to mingle amongst themselves. Such spaces, when initiated are taken more seriously and motivate us to become better at our work and help others become better. These spaces give us lifelong friendships which make us better teachers and humans,” says a retired teacher who did not want to be named.

“In all these years, while I have been fortunate to have made friends who take their work seriously and give me inspiration, who can forget the other ‘lot’? That lot who discourage you no end due to their lack of seriousness and commitment,” shares Pushpa Pandey. “I fail a lot of times to strike a friendly bond with teachers who have already judged me and that has affected me. I do get to see some repercussions but then I stay away and feel content with the friends I have.”

For Anil, his work and commitment gets questioned by other staff members but he tries hard to build a rapport with them. “Our group of teachers is quite active and does engaging activities for children all the time. But some staff members complain that their classrooms are noisy and distracting. They do not bother to engage with me but I still show up with a smile. Sometimes I do not want to do anything and just focus on my work. I am human. I too get exhausted.”

The curious case of cliques
While friendships grow organically, school systems and other systems also witness an emergence of what is known in psychology as ‘cliques’ – a narrow exclusive group of persons held together by common interests, views or purposes.

Sharing insights from an informal study she and her team conducted in a school, Dr.Sharda says, “We went around asking students what they know about teachers and their friends in school. We were a bit alarmed to find that students were quick to notice that some teachers only mingled with some and not others. Students pointed out that teachers who liked arts were talking to each other; teachers who drove cars were closer; teachers who dressed a certain way socialized together.”

While people do seek and find people with common interests and pursuits, children, who are so observant and perceptive, should not end up believing that friendships are only personal, that they have nothing to do with the profession, says Dr.Sharda.

As someone who has worked for years in the teacher development space, Dr.Sharda recommends applying constantly, the goodness of personal bonding for the greater and good use of the school’s growth.

Ways of building friendships Nurture: If you have a special skill, let your colleagues know and offer your help. Just listen: As much as you want to express, you must also be ready to give a patient listening to your fellow teachers. Also, if you’re a new teacher, it’s imperative to listen to the experiences of veterans around you. Celebrate: Get to know your colleagues better by creating memories with them – socialize with each other outside school, watch a play or movie and attend cultural events. Be trustworthy: Spilling secrets, excessive gossiping are big spoilers; someone tells you something in confidence, keep it to yourself. When you hear gossip, don’t participate. Respect boundaries: Respecting your fellow teachers’ boundaries is critical to building bridges – and keeping the workplace civil. Example, you see a teacher on the phone, in a conversation with another colleague, or enjoying a solo lunch, just keep moving. Question around: Asking questions is an easy and effective way to build relationships with your colleagues. If you don’t understand something or you need help, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Support each other: Supporting your colleagues’ work shows them that you care about their interests and are willing to show up when they need you. Be authentic: When you interact with a colleague, be yourself, and be honest. Look to create genuine relationships with your fellow teachers, not transactional ones.

The author is with the Parag Initiative of Tata Trusts. She is into teacher-trainings, course facilitation and has a keen interest in children’s literature and drama in education. She can be reached at qazi.nidhi@gmail.com.