Skillful communication in the classroom and beyond

Aruna Sankaranarayanan

One of the pet peeves of employers is that individuals who are skilled in a field, be it computer science, accounting, or engineering, often lack “soft skills.” This is an umbrella term for a motley collection of skills relating to working with others and includes communication and teamwork. In this article, I delve into the “fifth C” of communication and explore how schools can help children cultivate and hone this essential skill.

Importance of effective communication

In her book, We Need to Talk, journalist and author, Celeste Headlee, underscores the importance of lucid communication. In January 1982 an Air Florida flight crashed shortly after takeoff, killing 78 people. The black box recording revealed miscommunication between the pilot and the copilot. While the former may have listened more carefully to his subordinate, the latter may have been “more direct” with his captain. According to Headlee, poor communication resulted in “1,744 deaths in American hospitals between 2009 and 2013.” As what we say and how we say it can have tangible and sometimes tragic consequences, shouldn’t all students be trained to listen attentively and speak cogently?

Communication underpins a lot of what we do. Be it getting through a job interview, letting a romantic partner know why you’re upset, or explaining to a boss why you cannot meet a deadline, the quality of your communication influences the outcome of many situations. Further, as sociologist Sherry Turkle writes in Reclaiming Conversation, conversing with one another face-to-face is “the most human – and humanizing- thing we do.” Our sense of “intimacy, community and communion” rests on our ability to converse freely and spontaneously with one another. Yet, people, especially youngsters, shy away from having face-to-face conversations as they’re so used to hiding behind their screens. They’d rather message than call, let alone talk directly to someone. That’s because live conversations are often messy, spontaneous, and unpredictable and we can’t edit what we’re saying in real time.

Listening well

Of course, speaking well constitutes only one half of communication. We also need to cultivate the ability to listen. Headlee avers that we need to learn to “hold good, balanced conversations,” where we listen attentively and respond appropriately.

An integral component of skillful communication is paying attention. Unfortunately, our attention spans have become fragmented, with distraction being our dominant mode of operation. Headlee notes that the “average human attention span is about eight seconds,” a figure that compares to that of a goldfish. As a result of choppy attention spans, we fail to notice nuance and detail, which prevents us from truly understanding and connecting with people. Active listening, according to Headlee, is a “conscious act” that involves “hearing, understanding, responding, and retaining” that can be trained.

Having difficult conversations

Having a good conversation involves using our head and heart. Further, we may not be the best judges of our own conversational skills. As Headlee points out, we tend to blame the other party when a conversation is awkward or goes badly. In fact, she recommends that when a conversation goes poorly, we may ask the other person if we could have said anything differently or if we didn’t get their viewpoint.

In today’s polarized world, when people refuse to engage with those who think differently, Headlee provides five strategies that can “facilitate a productive dialogue” even with people who may hold radically opposing ideologies:

• First, you must exhibit an authentic curiosity, assuming that you have something new to learn from the other party.
• Second, “check your bias.” Instead of deliberating on whether you agree or disagree with someone’s opinions, you must first listen to them without judgment. Listen with the intent to understand, not necessarily to agree or disagree.
• Third, respect every person and accord them with the dignity of a human being, even if they are different from us and hold divergent views.
• Fourth, know that every conversation doesn’t have to end with a resolution. Just agreeing to disagree, yet granting the other party their dignity is sufficient.
• And, finally, ensure that the conversation ends in a civil way and you part on cordial terms. If you’ve said something hurtful, make sure you apologize.

Common conversational blunders

Headlee cites the work of sociologist Charles Derber who distinguished two types of responses during a conversation. The “shift response” puts the spotlight back on you, whereas the “support response” seeks to understand a person’s comment further. For example, if a colleague says, “I’m falling behind in my grading,” and you say, “So am I. I have exam papers from four sections,” you are shifting the conversation back to yourself. In contrast, when your colleague complains about her grading, you say, “Really? How many papers do you need to grade?” you are interested in their plight. Just being aware of these different ways of responding can help us become more effective and empathic listeners.

Another common conversational foible is our tendency to digress. When we speak, Headlee urges us to “keep it short.” Given how short our attention spans have become, you are more likely to get your point across if you are succinct. Clear and crisp communication is more effective than a convoluted monologue. Headlee also dissuades us from repeating ourselves, which she likens to “marching in place.”

You must also be “sensitive to the signals” of your conversational partner. Do they look engaged? Are they asking questions or encouraging you to say more? Listening involves not only taking in their words, but also responding to the nonverbal cues they emit.

To have honest conversations, Headlee says we must also be comfortable saying, “I don’t know,” rather than cook up an answer with half-truths. And, teachers can be great role models of intellectual humility when they admit that they don’t know something, but would try to find out. This reassures students that it’s okay to acknowledge your ignorance instead of trying to wing it.

Disconnect to connect

As our dependence on devices only grows stronger day on day, we’re also losing essential human competencies, bemoans Turkle. Headlee cites a meta-analysis conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan that found empathy of college-students plummeted by 40% over the last 30 years, “with the vast majority of that decline taking place after 2000.” According to Turkle, engaging in conversations hones our empathic skills and our ability to introspect, which essentially involves having “conversations with ourselves.”

Children also need downtime so that they can introspect and have meaningful conversations with themselves. They need time to examine their thoughts, feelings, dreams, and inner demons. However, if they’re constantly tethered to their devices, they don’t get time to be alone with themselves, an essential aspect of identity formation. We need to teach children to use their devices with “greater intention” so they’re not controlled by them, but are in control of them.

Further, Turkle notes that some conversations, especially difficult ones, have to be had in-person. Though it’s much easier to text ‘Sorry’ to someone you’ve wronged, doing it in person allows you to see the hurt you’ve caused and it is this “realization that triggers the beginning of forgiveness.” Children also need to learn the power of eye contact, argues Turkle, by speaking to people in varied contexts.

Conversations in the classroom

Turkle emphasizes that both speaking and listening well are learnable skills that can be honed with practice. What can teachers do to enhance communication within and beyond the classroom?

As far as possible, do away with lecture-type lessons. Instead, engage students by asking questions and getting them to showcase their thinking to others. Ask open-ended questions and coax them to back up their assertions without belittling them for incorrect responses. Rather than the teacher being the centre of the classroom, get them to debate and discuss with one another. Let students have small group discussions where they learn to disagree amicably.

Emphasize that being an avid listener is also an elemental aspect of a good discussion. You may model some active listening strategies and motivate groups to adopt them. These include not interrupting a speaker, paraphrasing each other’s viewpoints, providing nonverbal feedback by nodding or smiling, focusing on the speaker’s content rather than crafting a response.

Don’t avoid discussing sensitive or hot button topics. Based on children’s developmental levels, you may tweak and model Headlee’s five strategies that are outlined earlier in the article.

To help children avoid common conversational pitfalls, you may give explicit instruction to help them use a support response that elicits more information from the speaker. You may also encourage them to summarize the key points so they learn to keep it crisp and coherent.

When disagreements or conflicts arise in class, use them as opportunities to teach negotiation skills, where they also have to pay attention to nonverbal cues. If apologies are warranted, emphasize they need to be done in person. And, finally, discuss the importance of a healthy digital diet and how students may monitor the usage of their devices.

References

• Headlee, C. (2017) We need to talk: How to have conversations that matter, London: Piatkus
• Turkle, S. (2015) Reclaiming Conversation: The power of talk in a digital age, New York: Penguin

Aruna Sankaranarayanan is the author of Zero Limits: Things Every 20-Something Should Know. She blogs at https://arunasankaranarayanan.com.