Communicating peace
Anubha Rawat
Communication is the bedrock of human interaction and the lifeblood of our interconnected world. Whether it’s a heartfelt conversation between friends, a formal business presentation, or the exchange of information through digital platforms, effective communication is a skill that allows us to connect, resolve conflicts, and navigate the intricacies of our global society.
Communication encompasses a vast array of approaches, from spoken language and written words to non-verbal cues and technological advancements, which can broadly be categorized as constructive and destructive or violent and nonviolent. Violent communication involves the use of aggressive and confrontational language or actions to express thoughts, feelings, or demands. This often includes insults, threats, and physical aggression that can be harmful and contribute to misunderstanding, disconnection, and increasing conflicts. In contrast, nonviolent communication seeks to encourage understanding, acceptance, and cooperation through respectful and considerate exchange of ideas, thereby promoting harmonious relationships and contributing towards a culture of peace.
Mahatma Gandhi’s principle of ‘ahimsa’ and his timeless wisdom, ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world’, accentuates the vital role of individual action in fostering peace. People need to nurture a reliable communication environment that demonstrates self-control and forges connections. The ‘Janus-faced’ identity of communication underscores the importance of adopting healthy communication practices. Peaceful communication, based on the maxims of nonviolence, emerges as a potent tool for accomplishing significant engagement, promoting understanding, connecting cultures, fostering innovation, and ultimately propelling us towards progress, deeper human connections, and harmony.
In the 1960s and 70s, the famous clinical psychologist, Marshall B. Rosenberg, developed four components of Nonviolent Communication (NVC): observation, feelings, needs, and requests. According to him, these components help individuals express themselves authentically and resolve conflicts effectively.
Given below is a classroom scenario of a student talking loudly in the middle of a lesson. Examples for each of the four techniques, in both Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and Violent Communication (VC) are given for a clearer understanding of the difference between the two styles of communication.
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- Observation: Observation involves stating concrete and specific actions, behaviours, events, or circumstances without making judgements, evaluations, or interpretations. It focuses on describing what one observes, hears, or recalls, avoiding labels and criticisms.
Teacher (NVC): “I observed that during the lesson, you were talking loudly and disrupting the class.”
Teacher (VC): “You were busy blabbering in the class. You never pay attention!” - Feelings: Identifying feelings involves recognizing and expressing one’s emotions or feelings in response to a particular situation or action. It is about acknowledging and articulating your feelings and experiences without blaming others.
Teacher (NVC): “I feel frustrated and anxious when there is loud talking during the lesson because it disrupts the learning environment.”
Teacher (VC): “You are so irritating! Your behaviour makes me angry! I can’t stand this chaos in my class.” - Needs: Identifying needs involves recognizing and expressing those universal human needs or values that are causing the feelings, whether they are met or unmet. It’s about identifying the values, desires, and requirements that are important to us in a given situation.
Teacher (NVC): “I need a peaceful and focused learning environment where every student can learn effectively.”
Teacher (VC): “I am your teacher! You should respect my authority and follow the rules in my class.” - Request: Making a request involves making a clear, positive, and practical request for specific actions that would help meet one’s needs.
Teacher (NVC): “Would you be willing to lower your voice during the lesson to help maintain a peaceful learning environment for everyone?”
Teacher (VC): “Stop talking right now or you will have to face serious consequences. I won’t tolerate this kind of behaviour.”
In the above nonviolent communication examples, the teacher addresses student behaviour in a non-confrontational and constructive manner. In contrast, the violent communication examples involve blaming, pronouncing judgement, giving threats, and using aggressive language, which can intensify the situation and create a hostile environment. We know that as teachers it is our constant endeavour to use constructive and compassionate language to promote understanding and cooperation. We must instill the principles of nonviolent communication in our students, as it will not only contribute to their academic success but also help them develop essential life skills to navigate all aspects of their lives meaningfully and responsibly.
Here are some of the ways in which NVC can benefit our students.
Nonviolent expression: NVC discourages aggressive or confrontational language, teaching one to express one’s needs and feelings without causing harm to others. Practising NVC can build trust in one’s relationships, as it promotes honesty, understanding, and the belief that conflicts can be resolved peacefully.
Active listening: NVC encourages active listening, where one focuses on truly listening and understanding what others are saying, rather than occupying oneself with formulating a response. This fosters better listening skills and the ability to validate others’ experiences.
Improved communication skills: NVC teaches students how to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs, clearly and respectfully, without resorting to blame, criticism, or judgement. This can enhance their ability to communicate with teachers, peers, and family members, leading to more effective and constructive interactions and improved conflict management skills.
Empathy: NVC emphasizes empathetic listening and understanding of both our feelings and needs and those of others. Students who practice NVC learn to understand and respect others’ perspectives, which can lead to better relationships and more harmonious group dynamics. This skill will enhance their ability to connect with people on a deeper level and respond to their emotions with compassion.
Reduced bullying and peer pressure: By teaching students to recognize and express their needs and feelings, NVC can empower them to resist negative peer pressure, find mutually satisfying solutions and handle situations involving bullying or conflict more effectively.
Conflict resolution: Students often encounter conflicts with classmates or face challenges with teachers and parents. Learning to manage and regulate one’s emotional responses effectively leads to more balanced and informed decisions.
Better relationships: NVC can help students build healthier relationships with peers, teachers, and family members. Improved communication, empathy, and conflict-resolution skills contribute to more positive and supportive connections with others.
Enhanced learning environment: When students and teachers practise NVC principles in the classroom, it creates a more respectful, appreciative, and compassionate learning environment. Students are more likely to feel safe, heard, and valued, and this can lead to increased engagement and motivation to learn.
Emotional regulation: NVC encourages students to identify and express their feelings and needs. This self-awareness can help students manage their emotions better and make informed decisions, reducing stress and improving their overall emotional wellbeing.
Personal growth: Through NVC, one can experience personal growth as one learns to connect with one’s authentic self, identify, and express one’s true feelings and needs, and evolve as an individual. NVC encourages self-awareness, self-reflection, and self-compassion, which can lead to greater social-emotional intelligence. This is an important skill for self-advocacy, which can be valuable in academic settings and real-life situations.
Positive contribution to the community: When students apply NVC beliefs, they contribute to a more understanding and harmonious school community. This, in turn, can lead to a positive school culture and a safer and more inclusive environment.
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Activities to promote nonviolent communication skills in students
I have used the following activities and strategies to promote nonviolent communication skills in my students. You may customize the activities to align with your classroom’s specific needs.
Feelings and needs cards: Provide students with cards that have different emotions and needs written on them. Have them pick a card and share a personal experience related to that emotion and need, encouraging them to express themselves and connect with their feelings and needs.
E.g.: Happiness (need for connection, autonomy); sadness (need for comfort, support); anger (need for fairness, justice).
Empathy circles: Organize empathy circles where students take turns sharing their thoughts and feelings about a particular topic while the others practice active listening without interrupting or offering solutions. This helps students develop their empathetic listening skills.
E.g.: Life goals, personal experiences, inclusive communities, social justice, cultural awareness, sustainability.
Reflective writing: Assign reflective writing exercises where students write about a conflict or challenging situation they’ve experienced and how they could have applied nonviolent communication techniques to handle it more effectively.
E.g.:
- What were my initial expectations and how did they compare to the actual outcome?
- Analyze the obstacles you faced and the strategies you used to address them.
- Explore any shifts in your values, beliefs, or worldview that resulted from the experience.
- What would I do differently if I could go back in time?
Media analysis: Analyze and discuss media clips or articles that depict both nonviolent and violent communication. This can help students identify examples and discuss the outcomes and impacts of each.
E.g.: Investigate the impact of violent and nonviolent communication in online communication and social media interactions, particularly in escalating issues or reducing online harassment and fostering constructive discussions.
Peer counselling programs: Establish peer counselling programs within the school, where students are trained to provide support and guidance to their peers in a non-judgemental, empathetic, and nonviolent manner.
E.g.: Bullying and cyber-bullying, physical and mental wellbeing, study techniques, and relaxation methods.
Community service projects: Encourage students to participate in community service projects that require cooperation, collaboration, communication, and empathy. Working together on these projects can help them apply nonviolent communication skills in real-world situations.
E.g.: Environmental conservation, elderly care, food drive, animal welfare, handicrafts fair.
Group discussions, nonviolent communication exercises, such as worksheets, activities, and games, designed specifically to reinforce NVC principles, may also be used. Mindfulness practices and self-regulation techniques are also good ways to enhance emotional intelligence and self-awareness in our students.
Role-play: Have them role-play relevant scenarios using nonviolent communication rules, such as active listening, expressing feelings and needs, and making requests.
Given below are the details of an activity that I have tried in my classroom to enable students to practice and apply nonviolent communication principles in realistic scenarios and enhance their empathy and communication skills. You may tweak it to suit your classroom needs.
Prepare several NVC role-play scenarios, each involving a common conflict or situation that might arise in the lives of teenagers. Create such scenarios where students can practice nonviolent communication techniques. For example, misunderstandings between friends, disagreements with parents, or conflicts at school. These scenarios should be written on separate index cards or slips of paper.
Each student should receive one NVC scenario. Instruct the students to pair up and decide who will be ‘Person A’ and who ‘Person B’ in their respective role-play scenarios. Students begin the role-play, where ‘Person A’ initiates the conversation based on the scenario they received, while ‘Person B’ listens and responds. Encourage them to use NVC ethics in their communication. Remind students to pay attention to observation, feelings, needs, and requests in their dialogues.
After each five-minute role-play, have the students rotate partners so that they get the opportunity to experience different scenarios and practice from both perspectives (Person A and Person B).
Between rotations, one should conduct debriefings with the entire class to discuss what went well, the challenges faced, and any insights gained during the role-plays.
Have students reflect on the experience individually or in small groups. Ask them to consider how NVC standards affected the dynamics of the role-plays and whether they noticed improvements in communication. Conclude the activity with a whole-class discussion. Encourage students to share their reflections, challenges, and any ‘aha!’ moments they might have had during the exercise. You may assign homework where students write a short reflection on how they plan to apply NVC ideals in their real-life interactions and conflicts.
Alternatively, you may organize a mediation simulation where students take on the roles of mediators and parties in a conflict. This can help them understand the mediation process and practice active listening and negotiation skills.
This role-play activity allows students to practice NVC in a safe and controlled environment, making it easier for them to internalize and employ these communication skills in their daily lives.
Teaching nonviolent communication is an ongoing process. It is important to create a supportive learning environment where students can practice and apply these skills, leading to better learning outcomes in our closely-knit classrooms. By embodying the principles of nonviolent communication, students will understand that hurdles are but opportunities for growth, resulting in constructive learning experiences. Teachers will be able to effectively manage challenging behaviour in the classroom with a positive touch, cultivating empathetic connections and spreading that compassion from school to the home and beyond.
The author is an educator who is known for her engaging teaching style and loves creating vibrant, rich, and positive learning spaces for young minds to foster a deep love for the English language. She can be reached at aana1924@gmail.com